Pssst...It's A Secret

 


By Rip Rense
RipRense.com
4-26-7

 

 

I'm sitting in a little tea joint in Westwood right now, and a guy has just walked in---waddled in, really---who preceeds himself. Which is to say, his stomach enters the room before he does. He is dressed in a giant hooded sweatshirt which was yellow but is now closer to brown, and jeans that have not been washed or perhaps changed since Bush first stole the presidency. He has a beard that was also yellow but is now closer to brown, and he exudes the sour smell of old socks on a hot day.
 
This man does not know The Secret.
 
A woman just passed by on the sidewalk outside. One of her legs is twisted and about half the size of the other, and she walks with a kind of hobble-hitch, hobble-hitch rhythm that Stravinsky would have liked. Her face is pained, defensive. 
 
She obviously does not know The Secret, either.
 
My friend Craig, who is drinking tea with me, also does not know The Secret. When people bump into him and fail to say "excuse me," or do not move to one side on a sidewalk, it bothers him. Same for my pal, Jenn. She's a brilliant, modest UCLA grad student who just wants to study and learn, yet she keeps running into fellow grad students trying to push her around, drawing her into ego games. It annoys the hell out of her. 
 
And I sure as hell don't know The Secret. I am the most irritated person I know. Well, next to Dick Cheney. I can't stand the way most people drive, speak, think, dress, write, sing, tell jokes. The gluttonous manner in which humans exploit this paradise disgusts me. Pretty much everybody I admire is dead, sick, or worse, unpopular. Oh, and I hate the way everyone says "stu-dent" and "impor-dunt." Guess that about covers it. 
 
The funny thing about The Secret, though, is that it is no secret. It was the top of the New York Times bestseller list, which is the greatest measure of what poorly educated people who cannot read very well are buying. And it has been touted by no less a personage than Oprah Winfrey, who tells poorly educated people who cannot read very well what to read.
 
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